Parenting the Dolphin Way
*I was not compensated for this post, but I did receive a pre-view copy of the book * When I was asked to review a new parenting book by Shimi Kang, I was all onboard! I run a website for families, so I was sure my followers would be interested; I am a member of a book club where we often read and discuss parenting books like Boys Adrift or Little Athletes Big Leaders; and I have a degree in psychology, so I am naturally interested in human behaviour! This book seemed like a perfect fit for me. The Dolphin Way suggests that parents should be more like dolphins and less like tigers. Before I read the book, the kids and I looked up some facts about dolphins and tigers.
Dolphins – They are playful animals – They are most active after a rest – They live in groups called pods Tigers – Biggest and most ferocious of the cats – Live in solitude – Use their weight to knock prey off balance – Bite down on the throat of prey until the animal suffocates The boys determined that dolphins were less mean, more helpful (not hurting other animals), more playful, and don’t abandon their children. My seven-year-old son drew this picture to illustrate.
I think that Shimi Kang might be on to something in The Dolphin Way! In her book, Kang offers sound research and examples from her own life or practice as medical director for Child and Youth Mental Health for Vancouver to support her idea that parents need to be more like dolphins.
Kang says, “The dolphin parenting model is about guiding rather than directing, encouraging rather than instructing and teaching by example.”
Further, she says that the “dolphin way of life is about emphasizing the importance of play, exploration, social bonds, altruism, contribution and family and community values.” Whatever we do with our children, we need to make sure that it incorporates a cognitive quotient, or CQ for short.
These four skills are going to be essential for the future success of our children. They include: – Creativity – Critical Thinking – Communication – Collaboration To help develop this CQ, children need lots of time to play (like dolphins), to explore and to investigate. In a world where children are highly structured and over-programmed they are often left with little or no down or free time.
The Dolphin Way recommends that parents stop overgathering for their kids. Which means, don’t sign them up for every activity. I know that this is a conversation that my friends and I have every September: What activities are we signing are kids up for? It is a constant worrisome feeling, wondering if you are putting them in too many activities, but if you don’t, will they be the only child who can’t skate or isn’t playing hockey?
Don’t they need to be well-rounded?
The Dolphin Way offers great advice on this common parenting dilemma to help you make the decision. In fact, we used the advice just this week when our oldest son wanted to sign up for a robotics club. I worried that it was just one too many activities for him, despite the fact that I knew he would love the challenge of it. Looking over the club’s description, I knew it offered so many of the important CQ skills: creativity, critical thinking and collaboration. We are going to give the robotics club a try!
Dr. Kang is a big proponent for free-time for kids that does not involve screen time. For me, I know it is so tempting to let the kids play on the computer to get some work done (which is what they are doing now!), but kids need to learn how to play.
This is one aspect that I thought The Dolphin Way should have covered: how do you go about getting your kids to play? Some will instantly find an activity, but to some this is a foreign concept. I know with my boys, after the computer is turned off, it usually takes them about 15 minutes to really get involved in creative play.
I have learned from trial and error to ignore the pleads for the computer and the initial arguing about what to do, because when they find their groove, they will play for hours.
We are lucky to have a neighbourhood gang of both boys and girls. The girls want to play fairies and the boys ninjas. They have come up with a collaborative game, by communicating with each other, called Ninja Fairies that has become a favourite in our backyard!
If you are looking for a new take on parenting that doesn’t involve adding more things to do, or feeling guilty about what you are doing, then definitely check out The Dolphin Way by Shimi Kang.
It will inspire you to play more, re-balance yourself, and become a better parent and role-model for your children. They will thank you for it! The Dolphin Way is available through Penguin Books.
